WHAT YOGA MEANS TO ME.
(sharing here what i wrote for yoga tree blog.  beloved home studio and sangha.  15 years old, just like my daughter..good things were born in 1999!  Of course..;)

What Yoga Means To Me.. For Yoga Tree 15th Anniversary.

Union. Integration. Celebration of Life. Expansion. Being, anew. This is what Yoga means to me.

I've been on this yogic path for over 20 years now; theory, study and practice in all layers of being. 

In many ways I feel like yoga has saved my life. I know indeed, it has given so much more LiFE 

to my life!  So grateful.

    Some times I am a beginner, my practice is basic. I move to refresh stuck areas of the

bodymind. I investigate in the poses. I reconnect with breath, mind quiets into heart 

as it opens to the Universal. Many days yoga just IS throughout the day as I drive and breathe 

and relax my countenance and go out into the world and share this practice for the healing and 

peace of all beings. Some days I am simply grateful that the practice soaks my life as I don't 

know how I would get through otherwise. Some days are all play where I dance yoga, sing 

yoga, breathe the fire of yoga, laugh yoga and eat yoga... Yoga 

means everything is everything, one grand celebration of being!

For me Yoga is the ultimate reminder & tool(s) to reconnect. 

Both of its primary definitions shine for me;

 1. Yoking, Union- firstly, the reconnection of body, mind and spirit,

 & ultimately the remembrance of everyday self as divine, timeless self.

 2. Going where we have not gone before-

allowing myself to be born anew, to experience things and people anew, to find new ways to 

move and breathe and heal and celebrate that are informed by the foundation of tradition but 

that flow uniquely from this conglomeration that 'I am' out into the world of today...

    I allow this practice to strip and humble me, to leave me faceless, red and sweaty. I welcome 

this practice to decorate me, to reflect 'me' as Goddess and shine with the light of the Universe. I 

am so grateful. Yoga and it's evolution mean personal, spiritual, community, & world wide 

evolution. I am so grateful. We have been given, to nurture, this gift rich with 

science, art and spirit. These tools and beauty are fluid to fit any being or situation. I am in 

service to the wisdom of the dynamic truth of Yoga. We are all One. We are blessed to be 

embodied and we get to choose what to do with this blessing. May we choose with clarity and love. All 

else, be burned away in the fires of practice! Jai Ma!

 

True Alignment

Alignment with truth. The clearing of samskara, blockage, limiting belief, world view in order to

thrive...

We are here to awaken. To know who we are. On every level. True knowing, or awakening is

not even truly conceivable if we still worry about things like the shape of our breasts or hold a

belief that we are bad or broken due to early conditioning, abuse or trauma.

Feelings and beliefs unexpressed or uncleared are held in the body. Yoga provides the

technology to clear on all layers. We can be careful not to scare you and let you discover the

depths on your own as will happen with a committed practice in time or together we can boldly

say "ok, I surrender" and be straight up honest about what we all hold that is trash and burn that

shit up with great passion and dedication to truth. I have lived through and seen huge personal

transformation & transmutation. I love the bold process of evolution and I want to help you live

it. I believe that i am still alive because it is my work to continue to awaken and help others. I

do this carefully, lovingly, gently because I know how scary it is to breakdown, to lose control, to

reveal oneself, to face death, loss, fear... But I really think the only way to truly heal and thrive

is to stand in the fire, to jump into the flow, to trust and let go, jump into the void, scream and cry

and laugh and lose whatever you need to. In the end you will win. Science, history, and

perceived miracles have all emphatically indicated this reality. We are one. Open to remember

all parts of yourself and this experience, let life move unhindered, unencumbered through the

perfect and divine vessel that you are and let us celebrate the truth.

I want to provide the space, skill, intuition and support that allows this movement. Honesty is

not always what we might call pretty. I strive in my daily class teachings to keep you feeling

safe. But am I helping you or cheating you? Am I a care-full harbinger or a lackadaisical

withholder? Evolution might not feel safe. Change can be scary. I also know that you can do it

and you will live stronger and brighter and more grateful on the other side. So I want to push

you, dare you, challenge your paradigm while I care for you. This might look more like tough

love than some new age pretty clean white nurturing. Nature is fierce. After years of riding the

healing pendulum I feel clear and connected to nature about when to be soft and pretty with you

and now I just request your permission for the fierce. I want to see you shine. I was born to

burn the haze of sleep away.

I love you.

I am living into my name. I am the lucid dawn, nature incarnate and I thrive on to serve

humanity. We must attend to our personal truth in order to effect planetary truth. The greatest

dream of all humanity has been to live in abundance and peace and I know this is possible but it

starts where the dream does... In the heart.

So turn ON! Turn on your heart light!

(Bust into Neal diamond...)

Connection to nature

What do I want

Impulse

I am pulse

Concern fr others dampens impulse

Of course care for your beloveds but attend to your health

First

We must start from where we are or we will not get very far.

Habit and dedication. Sankalpa and samskara.

Set an intention for yourself, for your practice.  Sounds good.  What does it mean?  How does it stick?  Why doesn't it stick?  What to do...

Oh, the brain!  All the plagues of self doubt, hidden fears, limiting beliefs, patterns of self sabotage - the Samskaras.  Our brains love repetition, they like patterns, they form grooves of familiarity, perceived safety.  These things become unconscious habits.  I could be talking here about any kind of more obvious habits in the life - eating particularities, smoking, chewing gum or nails, cracking knuckles, etc...  Moreso, i am referring to the subtle, insidious habits of thought.
  Distraction is one of the most glaring habits of mind.  Just when we have the greatest intention to get a job done or to feel good about something, we find ourselves on Facecrack or focusing on how something else does not look or feel good.
Darn.. What to do about it.  Fight back with repetition!  Loving, compassionate, inspired or forced repetition!
Often these habits are coming from a deeper place of "not worthy, not good enough, cant..." and so we go on to prove these points by way of not following thru and then making excuses for said behavior and thereby perpetuating our hidden, limiting beliefs.
Instead, let us write, repeat, breathe, the ideal feeling of our realized dedication!  "I am grateful and fully expressed!"  YES!
Yes.  I could repeat this all day long but if part of me still does not believe it, well then we must love that part even more.  Open the body mind by MOVING!  Take one step, one stretch and repeat mantra.  Write one word, one line and repeat mantra.  Go deeper into your least favorite pose and (maybe cry and) repeat mantra!  STAY there.. breathe mantra.  See yourself free and whole and perfect and know that this body is not going to last forever and everything that you do (or dont do) NOW matters!  Do something.  NOW!.. and repeat mantra.
Let the mantra not become automatic but let it become a Bhav/ Bhavana - a feeling that fills you up, an ENERGY that leads the way into the ACTIONS that create the reality in the outer world.. Its all happening now, step into the flow.. repeat mantra.
For example;
My greatest dedication is to be of service to the highest good for all, to be an open book, to share my experience, strength and hope, to write a book -or 3.  This has been my dedication for some time now.  I have been REALLY getting to know myself in the process.. At first it started out with "when im older". and then "who am i really, what do i have to say thats new?" and then "maybe i need some more training, experience, a teacher, a mentor..."  Of course, it is valuable to reflect on all of these things and to take action where necessary.  Although if no action is happening, we need to look closer at "why?", listen to the small voice inside, feel the impulse and then the dullness that obscures the risk.  Why am i suddenly tired when i am setting in to write?  There is a conflict of interest going on inside.. One part wants to keep us 'safe' and the other part wants to open up.  Struggles are exhausting.. On the outside i could barely even know this was happening, but from sitting in quiet contemplation, the truths arise in a quiet and unassuming almost wordless voice, enough so that ego -mind can say "NO!, you are just making that up!" Alas, i am not making it up, you big ol thinking brain!  I am witnessing clearly that there are some scars..samskaras... that still believe i have not gotten as far as indeed i have on this path of healing and liberation. What i KNOW is that I have much to share.  I am not afraid.  My heart is big and bold.. My life is courageous!
So writing book is not working today?  I repeat mantra and i write a blog.  It started out with some lines in a notebook, it was attempted to be distracted by posted notes around me and 'gotta do' remembrances but i JUST KEPT GOING.. I hope that it was helpful for you.  I think it has been for me.. Feeling the flow...
repeating mantra.. building little wins.. building foundation, humbling myself to the moment and letting the big picture hold me instead of trying to hold it up and living up to it, i live in it and live into it..
its all happening right now.  i applaud the little wins.
there is a woman on a hillside somewhere who has been planting daffodils for years.. the hillside is now a vibrant site to see.